Im starting to hate my dad with a pion, what can i do to prevent this hate?

Ive been suffering from depression and suicidal feelings, i recently been thinking about help but i cant because im embarred. And my family will think im even more crazy than they already think. Today my dad made me very upset, at the moment my life has taken a very bad turn... Im in school doing good, soon to get a scholar ship that will allow me to not have to work while in school, and i got a new lexus! But this month i lost my Lexus because my dad just told me hes no longer going to have his biz... It is steadily going under! And hes going to be out of a job. Heres why i feel very hateful! Towards him, he tells me "oh if you think your lifes bad wait till i lose my store!" And that made me feel like he didnt care. Also i know my dad, he will never get a reg job working 9-5! He has a bad appearance, he smokes weed EVERYDAY! And he has no degrees, or diplomas. Im so confused on what im going to do. Im at the brink of hating my dad for not being a better person. I cant see him bettering his life! Im like your business is almost over, why arnt you trying to clean up and prepare to the fact you may need to acquire a 9-5. I dont work, if i have to work i can kiss my scholarship good bye! Every time i see him i feel furious! I wish i had a better dad, just a more smarter, financially stable dad so i could have a brighter future. Instead of being depressed. Im starting to hate him to where i cant see him without being furious and stressed out. His situation is causing me to not be able to sleep anymore, eat... NOTHING! I barely eat. I hate him, i feel like hes causing me tons more stress.